Am I a disruptor?
Depends on who you ask.
But if it means refusing to make someone else comfortable in exchange for my own discomfort, or being unwilling to stay silent while others get away with their abuse, then yeah, I’m a disruptor. And fucking proud of it.
Because life’s too short and too precious to waste it keeping the secrets of others who are harming us. This is why I made a conscious choice all those years ago to not only take my life back from those who tried to control it, but to help every person I could do the same.
This is why today I dedicate all my words to those who want me to be quiet and who keep asking, “Ugh, is she still talking?”
Yeah baby, I am.
There was no Hollywood ending when I decided to leave my abusive marriage and the man whom I had devoted my life to, had children with, loved beyond measure, and who was a diagnosed narcissist. There was no Angela Bassett moment in Waiting to Exhale when she packs up her cheating husband's clothes into his BMW, pours gasoline all over it, then stands back, lights a cigarette, and watches it go up in flames from her tossed match.
I often wish I had a story like that to tell, but the fact is that leaving the darkness and finding your way to the light is a much more complex journey than that, healing is not linear and doesn't allow you to travel from A to Z, which is the reason most victims return to their abuser (as I did) many times over.
One of the questions I am often asked is "At what moment did you know?" But the truth is, there was no one moment. Instead, it was a gradual unraveling of the illusion I had been living for sixteen years (as many victims of emotional/narcissistic abuse will say, we don't even recognize the abuse until we've left it behind), followed by a knees-on-the-floor reckoning of the truth, which eventually led to my rebirth in the light.
How did I get here? By placing one foot in front of the other, crawling if needed, but moving forward and away from my suffering. One baby step at a time. And reminding myself on a regular basis of what would happen if I turned around and went back (spoiler alert: nothing good).
Because we all deserve love, respect, and the truth. And if we're not getting it, then honey it's time for us to pack up our shit and get the hell out of Dodge (or in my case load up the UHaul, drive three states south, and head back to the sun in my childhood home of Arizona). But however you do it, it's time to go.
You're worth it and it's about damn time you realized it.
ABOUT SUZANNA
Suzanna Quintana is a summa cum laude graduate of Arizona State University where she received her bachelor’s in Women & Gender Studies. She holds a second bachelor’s degree in History, is a board-certified holistic health coach, and a former professional ballroom dancer and teacher.
She is the Amazon bestselling author of the book, “You’re Still That Girl: Get Over Your Abusive Ex for Good!” Her work has been published in Elephant Journal, The Good Men Project, Thought Catalog, Publishous, and Divorced Moms, and she is a regular guest on podcasts and YouTube channels such as Kris Godinez, Narcissist Abuse Support, The Epic Comeback, and many others. Her work has also been featured on CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, and hundreds of nationally-syndicated television, newspaper, and magazine outlets.
Her viral article, “Understanding the Language of Narcissistic Abuse,” has over a million views and has been shared worldwide. She coaches both women and men from all over the world, including England, Canada, Australia, Israel, and the United States, which further proves her belief that narcissistic abuse is far more common than currently understood and that healing is dependent on a victim knowing they are not alone.